


Awakening

by Joan_Lau



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is an angry boi, Amnesia, Arguing, Bonding, Broken Bones, Bullying, Chasing yesterday au, Doctors, Fighting, Hallucinations, Hospitals, Memory Loss, Orphanage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unresolved Tension, Visions, hoo boy am I ready for this, kind of, lockpicking, probably not, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-03-30 15:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13954119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joan_Lau/pseuds/Joan_Lau
Summary: Found: A boy, Age 15, Unconscious, Unharmed, UnclaimedLost: EverythingAlexander only remembers three things, his name, a soft melody, and a soothing voice. All he knows is that he's in the hospital because of an explosion in an abandoned warehouse, how or why he ended up there is a mystery, where he came from is a mystery. As far as he knows he doesn't have parents, or siblings or friends. All he is is Alexander: the boy without a past.but then things change, new abilities awaken and suddenly he's in a race to find out the truth before he's found. He struggles with controlling the newfound powers he has, and trying to find the answer to an overly complicated question: Who is he?But times running out.and he can't trust anyone, not even himself





	1. The Hospital

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! So I love the book Chasing Yesterday, and I thought... This could make a really cool Hamilton AU. So here we are, I've changed a few things but other than that, enjoy this AU of a book literally no one has seemed to have heard of.

The fire was the last thing he remembered.

Really, Fire was the only thing he remembered, The only other thing was his name. Alexander. Ok, that wasn't really going to help him with much, but it was something. He would honestly take whatever he could get. He didn't know where he was, or why he couldn't see. All he heard was music, soft music. It was soothing, made him feel happy. Nothing’s wrong, he’s safe. 

“Time to wake up Alexander”

The voice was familiar, and he felt compelled to listen. It was kind, yet left no room for argument. Why would he want to anyway? There was no point in the struggle.

And so he woke up. He was in a hospital, laying in a bed while connected to some IV or something like that, The tv was playing the news, they were talking about an explosion that had happened at an abandoned warehouse, leaving only one injured, a young boy, about 15. No one seems to know what happened, or how? The boy on the tv looked actually pretty well for someone caught in an explosion, bruised and burned of course, but he could still be recognizable. In fact, Alexander saw familiarity in the face. He turned his head and caught his reflection in one of the metal parts of the uncomfortable bed. His appearance matching the one of the boy on the tv.

Before he even really had time to react to this news a nurse came in with a tray of food and placed it by his bed “Good to see you awake sweetheart” she says with a kind smile that made Alexander like her right away, she was nice, she wouldn’t hurt anyone.

He reached over and looked at the food, it really didn't look too appealing. Mac and cheese, with some vegetables and a glass of orange juice, he took a bite from it anyway. He had no clue how long it had been since he arrived here and he was absolutely starving, therefore, as long as he knew it was edible, he was going to eat it. 

The next few days went by fairly quickly, questioning from doctors, treating any injuries that needed treatments. He knew he wouldn't be here for long, but he liked it here and didn't want to go yet.

“I’m sorry Alexander, but we can't keep you here any longer, we’ve done everything we can to help” The doctor tried to reason with him, but Alexander wasn't having it

“What about my memory?! I can't remember anything about myself other than my name and yet I can remember basic things like how to walk or that this is a cup, or that that’s a chair!” He was frustrated with not remembering anything about his past 

“That's completely normal, and it's going to come back to you on its own, but there’s nothing more we can do,” The doctor says quietly, trying his hardest to keep Alexander calm.

Alex wanted to break something. He wanted to do something, anything that would release the growing frustration. Though, it only took a quiet, calming voice to bring him back to his calm facade

“Not now Alexander.....Later”

He knew full well that this voice wasn't his, but it calmed him down and in the end, that’s what’s important. The soothing music played again and Alex felt...Happy... everything is going to be alright

The doctor seemed to notice that Alexander had become much less aggressive because he went back to tell him about what was going to happen next

“There’s a center that takes kids like you in, They’ve offered to care for you until they can reunite them with their parents. You won’t be there very long and soon we’ll be able to get you back to a normal life.” He paused “I know you must be scared, but-”

“I’m not scared! Alex snapped, but he was, he was scared because he was the boy without a past, the boy who had no memory, no family, no nothing. He really was truly alone, and that scared him, but like hell, he was going to let the doctor see that.

The doctor only sighed and let him know that they would be here in a few hours to come pick him up, wishing him the best wherever he ended up and told him that things were going to get better soon, he left the room, and Alexander alone to gather his thoughts. Soon he’d be exposed to the outside world with nothing to defend himself with except for whatever instinct he had after the accident.

He wasn't ready, but he didn't really have a choice. He wandered the halls until the nurse found him and told him it was time to go. He took deep breaths and followed her out the door, where waiting was a white car, it had a logo on the front that read “Chester Center for Juvenile Services” He silently got in and sat in the back seat

He could do this.


	2. The Center

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, This ended up way longer than intended. I actually ended up cutting it a bit short because it was getting a little bit long.
> 
> anyway, enjoy Alex's suffering

Alexander didn't really fit in at the Chester Center. In fact, everyone seemed to hate him from the moment he arrived.  
“Watch it” One of the boys hissed as Alex ran into him by accident, this had been one of many incidents where other kids at the chester center had acted aggressively towards him, but never really done anything. It was fine, he didn't do anything to him, they left him alone for the most part.

When he had first arrived at the Center there had been cameras everywhere, reporters asking about how he was feeling since the accident and if he had remembered anything since waking up. For the most part Alexander just ignored them, walking past the crowd of kids who lived at the Center already, already hearing their whispers.

“That’s the boy without a past” One girl had said, having obviously heard about him on the news. Not the worst thing he could hear from them.

“Looks like the boy without a clue to me” Another girl, presumably the first ones friend jeered.   
That had been the friendliest anyone had been to him since he arrived.  
For the most part people just whispered about him, but sometimes people would trip him, shove him against walls in hallways, by accident or not. He tolerated it though. Hopefully, he wasn't going to be here for long, and someone would come and claim him. 

The boy he ran into spoke harshly before Alex could apologize, “No cameras to pose for here.” He said. He had big dark curly hair, and was much taller than Alexander, he wore a Purple shit that Alex was pretty sure he had gotten from one of the Centers ‘field trips’ because it looked much to nice for the clothing given to him. He pointed to one of the emergency exit doors “Out there? You’re a star, but in here, you’re no better than the rest of us, and no one cares about what happens to you, so you better watch out” He pretty much hisses

Alexander feels the all too familiar anger start building up again when that calming voice comes back. “Not yet Alexander” it commands. “Soon” and once again, Alex listens, apologizing to this kid for being in his way.

The kid just grunts and shoves Alexander, before heading to wherever he was going, possibly the rec room. The push caused Alex to fall backwards and for a few moments he could feel the stares and hear the giggles of the other people in the center who had watched the whole thing. He focused on blocking them out, pretending they weren't there. He was so focused on tuning them out that he nearly didn't notice someone hold out their hand for him to take

Alex gratefully took his hand and the boy pulled him up. He had tanned skin littered with freckles and his curly hair fell so that Alexander couldn't see his eyes. He pulled his hand away as soon as Alex was on his feet and Alex couldn't help but notice that the boy was quite scrawny.

“Welcome to your worst nightmare” The boy mumbled before turning and walking down the hall again.  
“Wait!” Alexander shouted towards him, but the boy didn't turn back around, just kept walking down the hall. “Thank you!” he tried, but still to no avail, the boy just pretended to not hear him. Alex watched as he walked down the hall.

Alex gave up and went back to his bedroom, it wasn't the nicest, certainly not as neat or clean as his hospital room, but it was what he was stuck with for now. The room had two bunk beds, he slept on the back one on the lower bunk, he didn't really talk to his roommates, they just ignored them for the most part, which was nice. Against the walls were little cubbys that you could keep your things in

The Center had given Alex a few pairs of clothes that were slightly big on him, and let him keep the clothes he had been wearing in the accident as the were the only link he had to the past and he refused to give them up.

Eventually lunch time came around and Alexander follows the line of kids into the cafeteria. Lunch at the center wasn't much better than lunch at the hospital, Mashed potatoes, green beans, beef stew and a stale cookie for dessert, Alex sat down at a half empty table, seeing as there were no completely empty ones, everyone around her shifted so they could get as far away as possible, you’d think he had the plague or something, whatever, Alexander didn't really care. He saw the boy who had helped up earlier in the lunch line, but didn't bother to wave, he didn't have a death wish for either of them.

“Guys look! It’s the boy without a spine” The guy with the purple shirt was back and this time he had brought a few lackeys with him, Alexander just sighed and turned to face them, taking notice of the scar that ran down his face, the kind you could only get from a fight, he couldn't help but wonder if this boy had been on the winning or losing side of said fight.

“Come on Thomas... Can't we just go eat?” said one of the lackeys, a young boy, probably a year younger than Thomas said quietly, she definitely looked like she didn't want to be here. Alex couldn't wonder what she had gone through to end up here.

“I can't eat” Thomas had replied, hitting his hand on the table dramatically, causing Alex to roll his eyes a bit. “He’s making me sick”

“What’s your problem” Alex said with growing annoyance, not quite the anger he felt earlier, really just getting annoyed with the whole situation and wanting to just eat his food in peace.

“You’re our problem” One of the other lackeys said, he had black greasy hair and an earring in his right ear, he obviously, like Thomas, saw some sort of satisfaction in making a fool out of Alex. “Freak”

“I'm not a freak.” Alexander said angrily, feeling frustration build up again, not enough to do anything bad though, he wanted to be left alone.

“You barely know anything about yourself.” The guy retorted, “Sure sounds like a freak to me.” He has a smirk on his face, one Alex wished he had the strength to wipe off.

“Or maybe just a moron” a girl that was sitting at the table said, and it was at this moment Alexander realized that most of the cafeteria was watching this go down. He needed to handle this right, he couldn't look weak.

Thomas gave him a cold, hard glare. “Or maybe you do remember and you blew that place up and put on an act just so you could get attention and sympathy” He says smirking.

Alexander scoffed “Sure and I almost blew myself up along with it, y’know, just for fun” 

“That would make you a moron and a freak” The greasy haired boy said laughing a bit “Works for me”

“More like crazy” Thomas added.

Alex widened his eyes in fake astonishment. “Oh! Is that your problem? You think I’m stealing your act? Don’t worry, I'm nowhere near as crazy as you are” It was Alexander's turn to smirk this time, small victories.

Suddenly, as if in a fit of rage, Thomas’s arm comes slamming on the table and knocks food into the air and on Alex’s face and clothing. He looked up and could see the anger on Thomas’s face.

“Oops!” He said with fake wide eyed innocence before waving at her posse, finally time to move on. “Just stay out of my way” He growls to Alexander.

“Or what?” Alex challenged despite what just happened. He wiped the stew from his face like it was a bloody gash.

“You don't want to find out” Thomas said threateningly. “But you’re gonna” before walking away with his followers walking behind him. 

The rest of the people in the Cafeteria started at him for a few more minutes before going back to their previous conversations with their friends, Alexander assumed a few of them had to be about him and how dumb he was. No one offered to help him clean himself up, eventually a lady working in the kitchen staff came to clean the mess on the table, but didn't bother to offer Alex anymore food. Alex just sat there, the satisfaction starting to wear off now that the fight was over, he was still alone.

That is, until the scrawny boy from earlier came over to his table and sat next to him “That wasn't very smart.” He mumbles without making eye contact

“I'm sorry what?” Alex was surprised to have anyone talk to him after what just happened, maybe this boy did have a death wish after all.

“Talking back like that” the boy said as if it were obvious “You gotta learn to let it roll off your back... it’s the only way you’re ever going to survive in this place.” He slid Alex his tray of food, The stew was eaten, along with the beans, but the mashed potatoes and the cookie were still there

Alex wasn't too hungry anymore, but he offered a smile, a real one. “Thanks” He said “I’m Alexander” 

“John” The boy replied, happy to finally know the boys name, he wanted to thank him about before, but decided now was probably not the best time for that, so he kept quiet.

He ate while John drank from a carton of chocolate milk, they had a comfortable silence, it at least made Alex feel like he had something close to a friend.

When John finished his carton, he stands up and says “Just keep your head down” in a soft voice “You’ll be fine”

Alex feels like he's heard those words too many times for them to seem real anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might put some lams into this, If I do, its gonna be a slow burn for sure


	3. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are coming back in flashes, Alexander tries to figure out whats happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This. took. way. longer. than. it. should. have.
> 
> I'm sooo sorry, this was actually supposed to be part of the second chapter, but it was getting long so I split it into two parts. It was also harder to write than I thought.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

The Chester Center was for kids that nobody cared about, so normally the staff didn't care what the kids did in their free time. During the week the children all went to school, but on the weekends they were left to their own devices, which meant two options: Look for trouble or watch tv.

Not wanting anymore trouble today, Alexander decided that watching tv was a much better choice. They were watching some sort of boring action sci-fi movie that didn't really intrest him, so he just zoned out for the most part, getting some well needed rest. He could hear the screams on the television and felt himself almost slipping away from reality.

Then he’s no longer at the center, he’s standing in a building he does not recognize, the room is dark and there are no windows, but Alex can still see just fine. Even though he could see, there wasn't anything of note. It was just an empty room, he wondered how he even got here in the first place.

And then a hand was on his shoulder, and he heard that soothing voice yet again. “Do it,” was all it said, and though Alex hadn’t been given any instructions, he knew deep down what he had to do, he tried resisting the voice.

“No” He said quietly, scared. Something inside told him that he had to obey, but he didn't want to, he didn't know why or what he was going to do when he did it, or what would happen to him, but he knew he’d have to “I don't want to”

The voice was there again, this time a little more aggressive, threatening. “Do it! Destroy it Now.” Alexander was scared out of his mind, who was this man? He took deep breaths and tried to keep control of himself

There was a warm tingling in his fingers, almost like something was crawling inside them, almost like something needed to expelled from them, he wanted to scream, but something kept him silent, he wanted to get out of here, even if it meant going back to the Center.

“Now!” The voice commanded and a familiar anger filled Alexander, something more along the lines of rage. He felt strong, so much power flooding through him in tsunami sized waves, it almost felt good in a way, it took away the fear.

Then there was an explosion.

Alexander didn't just see or hear it, he felt it, flames felt as if they were coursing through his system and threatening to end his life for good. He saw fire, and smelt the toxic smoke and he was coughing his lungs out.

The voice was back yet again, only this time... He was proud. “Well done.” It said despite his tears and his coughs and the fire. He offered no help and just abandoned Alexander to stand in the aftermath of the explosion

“It wasn't me!” Alexander yelled, but got no reply, tears were streaming down his face from the pain, it hurt so much. “It wasn't me!” He yelled and felt himself fall to the ground.

Then he was in the center again, the flames were gone, the smoke and pain were gone, but the tears were still there and he was still on his knees on the ground, his chair had been flipped over and all the kids had turned their heads to look at him, and they were laughing at him. Alexander tuned them out while he focused on not hyperventilating. He almost felt like he might be sick.

A lady in a red blouse walked over to him as he managed to stand back up again and he flinched away from her before she can lay a hand on his shoulder “Are you ok hun?” the lady asked calmly.

Alex struggled to get an answer out. “I-I uh... y-yeah I'm fine..” He said looking towards the door to the blacktop where all the other kids who weren't watching tv were hanging out. “I-I just need t-to get some air” He makes a dash for the exit, wanting to get out of that situation as quick as he possibly could.

The blacktop was filled mostly with kids hanging out in cliques, talking with each other and for the most part just ignoring Alexander, giving him the privacy he needed to think, this was the closest he was going to get to alone. The hallucinations... No, visions, that’s a better word than hallucination. His breathing was still a little bit shaky, but he felt a little bit better.

“Leave me alone!” he heard John’s voice come from across the blacktop “Get off!”

“Shut up crybaby” Thomas’s voice came out from a now growing crowd, and all the people around him cheered him on.

Alexander walked towards them, keeping quiet and a calm facade. Though inside he felt the anger and power starting to build up in his veins, though it just felt more like traces of what was left from before. He felt as if he needed to worry about something other than whatever happened earlier, he also at the same time decided that he wanted to defend his only “friend” in the center.

As he approached, he saw a ring of students had formed around Thomas and John. Thomas had his greasy haired friend from before supporting him, whilst John had no one. He was smaller than both of them and didn't stand a chance, but still kept his expression fierce.

“Take it back Lee!” John yells as the greasy haired boy threw a punch, he dodged it and threw a weak punch of his own.  
“You know it’s true.” Lee taunted with a smirk, whatever he had said before had definitely promoted the response he wanted. Alex wondered what he had said.

“I said Take. It. Back!” He says before throwing himself onto Lee, an expression of pure rage on his face, The taller boy stumbled backwards, but before John could throw another punch at him Thomas grabbed his arms and pinned them back behind his back.

“Little crybaby.” Thomas hissed. “Gonna cry out for your mommy? She can't hear you, not where she is”

John roared in a mixture of rage and in pain which was cut off by a punch straight in the nose from Lee. 

Alexander didn't think, he let that angry power take over again and he rushed into the fight and shoved Thomas off of John. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt the closest thing he has for a friend here.

“You really are a moron.” He heard Thomas say as he looked to Alexander. “Just can't seem to listen to any kind of warning.”

Alexander saw Thomas pull out a knife. Eyes wide, he stepped back to try and back away, but the circle of kids kept him from escaping. He was screwed, Thomas was going to kill him. Alex didn't know how to fight and this boy had a knife.

As Thomas approached with a smirk Alex held his arms out to protect himself, his hand brushing against Thomas’s shoulder once he got close enough.

And then Thomas went flying.

Alexander had no idea how it happened. Thomas had flown halfway across the blacktop and landed on the concrete with a sickening crack. Alexander saw all the kids back away from him in fear and John was nowhere to be seen. Alexander knew that look.

“I barely touched him” Alex said confused, but he knew he had done that. And if nobody liked him before, now he knew they hated him.


	4. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How John reacts to yesterdays events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH I'm so sorry I didn't get this out earlier!!! Writers block suuuuuuuucks

Alex decided to skip dinner that night, luckily no one had noticed. When the boys in his dormitory filed out into the cafeteria, he stayed behind. He could use the piece and quiet to say the least. Only downside was now he was left alone with his thoughts, and of course all he could think of was Thomas, and what he had done to him, there was no rational explanation for what had happened, and yet it somehow did happen and it was his fault.

He wondered if maybe he was going crazy, but that was obviously not the case, he had already proven he was stronger than he looked by surviving what happened with the explosion, maybe he was tougher too. He then wondered if that was just who he was, someone who liked to hurt people, and all that made him think about was that disembodied voice from his hallucination, telling him to destroy.

When lights out came, Alex just pretended to be asleep, he closed his eyes and lay still, listening to the other boys whisper in the darkness

“Can you believe he didn't even get in trouble?” Someone asked

“Of course not, he's their special pet” another voice sneered, “Can’t punish him with all the cameras watching”

“He could have killed Thomas! Did you see how far he threw him? I hear he has a broken collarbone”

“Well I guess Thomas shouldn’t have messed with his boyfriend” The second voice said with a little bit of laughter.

“Where is John anyway? Actually, I bet he’s sleeping in the girls dorm tonight, since he’s such a girl” Both of the voices started laughing.  
Alex wanted to jump in and defend John again, not to mention defend himself, but he knew that would make things worse, and whatever reckless, blind energy had filled him before was gone, he was thinking again and the thought it was probably better to stay quiet. 

One by one the boys voices went quiet and fell asleep, Alex stayed awake however. He was afraid that if he went back to sleep the nightmares would return, and he would be subject to hearing that voice that wouldn't leave him alone all night, but eventually his eyes slipped shut and he fell into the darkness of sleep

He didn't dream at all that night

At breakfast the next morning, Alex sat next to John, he shot him a poisonous look and got up sitting at a half empty table away from Alex. As he ate his oatmeal, he watched John nibble on a piece of toast. John didn't react at the first piece of toast that was thrown at him, and he didn't react to the second one either, even when it hit him in the face and landed in his orange juice, then Lee walked by and dropped of dollop of oatmeal on his head.

John stood up

“What’re you gonna do?” Lee asked, hands resting on his hips, his lips curl up into a sneer “You wanna fight me?

John's hands only balled up into fists

“Or are you just gonna get your freak boyfriend to protect you?”

“Shut up.”

“Or what?” Lee sneered “ I'm so scared, what are you gonna do? Cry?”

For one awful moment it looked like John might, then he just shoves Lee out of the way and walks to the door, whispering something to the guard so they would let him pass. Alex didn't hesitate, he got up and followed him.

“No one leaves” The guard said, putting a meaty hand on his shoulder

“That boy just left” Alex pointed out.

“Bathroom”

“Well that’s where I’m going too” and he let her pass.

The corridor was empty, no one was allowed in the halls during mealtime, so John might have snuck off to the dorms, but it was more likely he was telling the guard the truth and hiding in bathrooms.

“John!” he called, knocking on the gray door.

“Go away!” he called back

“Come out here” Alex tried “Please”

“Just stay away from me!”

Why was he being so stubborn! Fine, he could be stubborn too, after all he barely had an identity, so really, he could be anything he wanted.

“Come out or I’m coming in!” He yelled 

“Try it!”

He tried opening the door, but it was locked, which made no sense as the doors only locked.... And unlocked with a key “Let me in!” he shouted as he banged on the door with a satisfying thump. There was still no answer, this was getting ridiculous, if he kept this up they were both going to get caught

“If you don't let me in someone is gonna find me here” He said with a smile creeping across his face, “and once they figure out that you’re the one in there-”

The door swung open, but no one stepped out, so as promised, Alex went inside, John looked at him, rolled his eyes and stepped behind him, closing and locking the door behind the both of them.

John turned around “You could have gotten us both in trouble!” He said annoyed.

“Oh and who’s fault is that?” Alex retorted, I tried to talk you out here but you obviously weren’t interested.” 

Alex could have sworn he saw John blush as he looked away and retreated towards the sinks, “You know why...”

The bathrooms here were nothing like the ones in the hospital, they were messy and smelled of urine, at least in the hospital it was sanitary and even though the smell of cleaner burned his nose, he much preferred it to this.

“If you’re here to apologize don't bother” John said quietly, rufsing to face Alex

“Apologize?!” Alex couldn’t help but laugh “And here I thought I was the crazy one, why would I apologize to you!”

John turned around to face him, fire in his eyes “You made me look like a wimp yesterday!” he yelled “ Like I need anyone to protect me”

Alex let out an exasperated sigh. “You did need someone to protect you” he pointed out.

“I was doing fine until you came in”

“Lee would have beaten your brains in” Alex argued.

“Like you did to Thomas?”

Now it was Alex’s turn to turn away, so that at least he wouldn't see his face go pale, and so he wouldn't guessed that he felt is throat close up.

John then came up and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, as if he did manage to figure it out after all. “I hear he’s going to be alright” He says gently. “Of course, as soon as he’s back from the infirmary, he's probably going to try to kill you” John then took a few steps away from him and sighed “and me too...”

“And I guess that's my fault?” Alex asked defiantly. “Is that what i'm supposed to be apologizing for?” He still didn't turn to face John.

“I don't want you to apologize for anything!” John replied. “ I never did!”

“I was just trying to help”

“Who asked you too?”

“Who waits to be asked?” He said turning around and taking one step closer to John, and then another, until they were standing face to face, nose to nose with only a foot of space in between them “So what now? Are you going to thank me? Or do you want to try and beat me up or something just to prove to everyone how tough you are?”

John glared at him “I could you know”

“Just try it” Alex warned and though he didn't want to fight anyone, he was ready, he was missing that energy from before however.

“Maybe I will” He snapped

“Fine”

“Fine”

Alex waited for him to move, wondering what he would do if he did. His eyebrows knit together in a dark cloud over his eyes and his knees bent slightly as if he were getting ready to pounce. His hands clenched and unclenched, clenched and unclenched, warm up exercises for his fists.

And then he burst into laughter.

It was the first time Alex had really seen him smile, and it was like seeing him for the first time, without the perma scowl he could better see his freckles, the dimple on his chin and the funny way his ears jutted out from his head, he had a great smile, it was a little crooked, the left side going up slightly higher than the right, revealing a small gap in between his two front teeth. It was the kind of smile that was catching, so Alex smiled back

“You’re.... Not the way I expected you to be.” John said once he regained control of himself.

“Join the club”

“No, I just mean, there's something about you, you’re not like the rest of us”

“I know” Alex snapped “I’m the freak, remember?”

“No, not like that, Just... different.” 

“Different how?”

“Different good.” He held out a hand for Alex to shake, and though it was a weirdly formal gesture, especially considering they were standing on pee stained linoleum in front of a row of urinals, it felt right. “I guess I should say thanks” he said

He clasped his hand firmly “And I guess I should say I’m sorry.”

John shook his hand. “No, you shouldn't”


	5. Chapter 5: The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex bond a little bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! Hell yeah!!

John refused to talk about his own past, but wanted to know everything about Alex’s. All seventy-two hours of it. 

“You really don't remember anything?” he asked again “Anything at all?” They were sitting in the back of the rec room. Alex doodling in a notebook, John twisting and untwisting a paperclip, winding it into a elaborate metal pretzel, smoothing it into a straight line and starting over again. At first Alex was sacred about what would happen to John if they were seen together, but John had shrugged it off and said: “They may hate me, but they’re scared of you”

“They hate me too” He argued. “Especially after I didn't get in trouble for... for what I did”

“True, but fear beats anger every time”

And he was right, they were never disturbed.

“But you must remember something!” he pressed.

Alex shook his head and tried not to think about the waking dream, he kept telling himself it wasn't a memory, it couldn't be, he didn't have any memories, and he didn't want to imagine what that would mean about his life, a life he might have to return to someday.

“Destroy it” He heard yet again, not sure if he was just remembering the dream or if it was really the voice speaking in his head again

He ignored it, not saying anything and nothing happened, he wondered if this whole thing was in his head and if he was just going crazy

“The doctor said I’ll remember eventually, especially if I’m around familiar stuff” He said trying to sound unconcerned. “You know, people I know, places I’ve been, but...” He swept an arm around to encompass their surroundings and John caught on pretty quickly.

“You won't be here for long” John told him.

“How do you know?”

“Because you belong to someone out there.” he said. “Eventually your parents are going to find you, and they’ll want you back” 

“Unless...” Alex didn't want to say it out loud, but he had been thinking about it, at first it had been a small worry, something he could forget was even there, but with every hour it got bigger and more insistant, and saying it to anyone, even John, might make it real.

“Unless they don’t want you, right?” John guessed. “Unless that how you ended up out there on your own in the first place?”

Alex's muscles tightened, and he curled up on himself as if to protect himself from something. “If I belong to someone out there? Why don't they just come get me!?” he said putting his head down “Why would they just leave me here!”

John’s face was still, but a muscle twitched in his jaw, “Good question”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, Alex concentrated on his page of doodles, which he noticed was the same symbol over and over again, an image which looked like a sideways hourglass. Some were shaded in, some were elaborate, and some were drawn so heavy he had broken the page. A chill came over him, he didn't know what the symbol meant. He hadn't realized what he was doing.

“So what are you drawing over there?” John asked, leaning over to get a better look, Alex slammed the notebook shut.

“Oooookay” He looked surprised but not offended. “You know what? Let's get out of here”

“And go where?” He asked skeptically. They were in the middle of free time, but honestly there was nothing free about it. They were restricted to the rec room, the computer room, the library, or the blacktop. Alex and John had already hit the computer room, John hadn't been able to believe that Alex didn't have an email address, until he reminded him that he didn’t even have a name. The library was, according to John, a dank place where the smaller kids read comic books and sometimes retreated into the darkness to have a good cry.

The blacktop for obvious reasons was no longer an option. 

“Trust me?” John asked, but he didn't wait for an answer.

Alex followed him out of the rec room, they took off down the hall toward the library, darting down a side corridor, when the nearest guard had her back turned. Then it was down the stairs, and through a small dark hallway, until they reached a giant metal door.

John pulled out a small velvet case, about the size of a playing card, and selected two thin, silver coloured sticks, he stuck them into the lock, jagged it around a little, a moment later there was a click, he twisted the knob and swung the door open with a flourish “Voila”

“How’d you...?”

He held the up the case “Lock pick kit. I got it the last time they let us go into the city, then I taught myself how to use it”

He flicked on a light switch and Alex peered into the room they had broken into. It looked like a storage room, stuffed with boxes and old furniture, Alex tried and failed to hold back a sneeze from all the dust in the room

Alex couldn't help but wonder why John had brought him down here, to an area of things rejected by the rejects, maybe he wanted to explore it or raid it for treasure, but he would have just preferred to stay by the door and play with the lock pick kit, he liked the way the silver glinted in the light, and he liked the idea of being able to escape.

For some reason the memory of being held by leather cuffs came back to him and it nearly made him feel sick to his stomach. He rubbed his wrists nervously.

“What are we doing here?” He asked for once trying push away a memory.

John extended a closed fist, then opened his hand, palm side up to reveal one of the silver slender picks “Thought you might wanna learn how?” he looked around then gave her another one of his rare, but brilliant smiles. “This is a good spot, no one to bother us”

He showed him how to slip in the tension wrench, a long, narrow tool slightly thicker than the picks, and twist it, like he was turning a key. Then slide the pick in, feeling for the pins that held the lock in place, listening for the telltale click, then moving on to the next one, he then explained the different types of locks and had him recite them back, then told him about the feeling you get just before you turn the lock, the feeling that you know you’ve done it.

Then he let Alex go solo and he experienced the same thing

When he finally mastered the mechanism, he could pick the lock in under ten seconds. John declared the first lesson a success, then he leaned against the wall and let himself slide down to the floor, stretching his legs out and propping his arms behind his head. Alex realized he didn't want to go back upstairs just as much as he did.

Alex dropped down beside him. John kept a slow, but constant monologue, like he knew that Alex wasn't in the mood to talk, he told him about the other kids. How Thomas had bounced out of four foster homes and always ended up back at the Center, how Lee sometimes woke up crying, He talked about the work placement program he’d be eligible for as soon as he turned sixteen, in a few weeks. And how, if he was lucky, he would be able to find a place where he could work and live away from the Center. He talked about what he would do, someday, when he was eighteen and could escape the system for good.

He said nothing about where he’d been before he got to the Center, only how it had been much worse.

“Sometimes forgetting the past isn't so bad” He told him “Sometimes its worse to remember”


End file.
